


Sometimes, Home Has a Heartbeat

by CaptainCoffee



Category: Star Trek Voyager
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/No Comfort, TW: Intense grief, Why Did I Write This?, You Have Been Warned, read the tags, tw: death, why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:35:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28185495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainCoffee/pseuds/CaptainCoffee
Summary: Maybe you never realize what you have until it’s gone...
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 14
Kudos: 17





	Sometimes, Home Has a Heartbeat

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing anything this intense, so I’m deeply sorry in advance! I just came across the title quote one day and the plot idea would not leave me. This is your final warning: you’re not getting through this without some serious feels...

Kathryn never saw it coming.

She never saw the alien raise their weapon, or the flaming charge as it shot through the air.

All she saw was Chakotay.

Stepping in front of her, his broad body sheltering her smaller one-taking the shot meant for her.

Her mind screamed his name as he crumpled to the ground, but the sound wouldn’t reach her lips.

She saw the blue light of the transporter beam wash over him before claiming her as well.

But even as the alien surroundings faded into the comforting grey walls of sickbay, her relief was blotted out by the one terrible thought that kept echoing in her mind:

_‘Too late, too late, too late...’_

The Doctor worked over Chakotay for hours.

To Kathryn, they seemed like days.

She stayed glued to his bedside, refusing even to be treated for her own injuries, replaying the events in her head over and over, as if by doing so she could change something-anything.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

It was only a simple supply mission.

How could things have gone so terribly wrong?

Why had she taken Chakotay with her?

Any other Captain would have left their second in command on the ship. 

She could have gone by herself.

Or with only the handful of security people.

But she had wanted Chakotay with her- she always wanted him with her.

Now, all she wanted was to see him wake up.

And it was then that Kathryn knew- Chakotay meant more to her than anything in the world.

Anything in the universe... more, even, than finding a way home.

Because she finally realized that he was, and had been, for as long as she had known him-her home.

She knew he loved her- had known for years.

Years that she spent pushing him away, hiding behind protocol, rank, parameters... but no longer.

To hell with all of it.

As she sat by his bedside, she resolved never to let another day go by without telling him how she felt.

He was her home, her heart, her  _life_.

Finding a new sense of calm in her decision, Kathryn rested her head gently on Chakotay’s chest, and fell into a peaceful sleep.

She was awakened by a soft touch to her hair.

Wonderful, giddy relief bubbled up into tears as she raised her head to find Chakotay smiling up at her.

Before she could change her mind, she pressed her lips to his in a soft, loving kiss.

For a few beautiful moments, there was only the two of them in the world.

But something was wrong.

A sudden panic building, she glanced between the others in sickbay, her unspoken question finally meeting it’s dreadful answer in the Doctor’s eyes.

She felt her head shaking, her mouth forminga silent protest as she gasped for breath.

She could see Chakotay trying to say something, but she spoke before he could, descending almost into hysteria as she babbled comforting words that she knew were lies.

Desperately trying to convince herself, as much as him, that everything would be all right again.

Chakotay silenced her with a finger to her lips.

Caressing her tear stained face, he looked up at her, and-just before his eyes closed for the very last time-whispered:

“I love you, Kathryn...”

She couldn’t bear it.

With his dying breath, all he could think of was  _ her . _

Still clinging to him, she begged him to open his eyes.

To once again look at her with the love she had so long taken for granted.

But she knew it was too late.

Backing against the wall, the world spun beneath her as she slid to the ground- unable to see, hear, breathe.

She was lost, adrift in a monstrous void of darkness.

And this time, there was no way home.


End file.
